The Bachelorette Experiment

I had it all planned out. I was going to meet the man of my dreams in college, we'd fall in love, get married at the age of 22, and I'd have our four children by the time I turn 30. God had other plans.

I'm now 29 years old, and I moved to Nashville, Tennessee a little over a year ago. Not only have I not married the man of my dreams (nor had any of our children), but I haven't really dated much either. At all. In fact, until I moved here I had only been asked out on two official dates in my entire life. Of those dates, I had to turn the First Guy down for reasons I won't get into, and the Second Guy stood me up. But something interesting happened within a few months of moving to Nashville. The Third Guy, the Fourth Guy, and the Fifth Guy suddenly entered the picture... asking me to dinner, sharing dessert, suggesting future plans... I didn't know what to do. It was a new experience. And, more than ever, I discovered that it matters to me that any decent guy in the world would actually want to spend time with me. I considered the possibilities. So, what if I did start dating? What would happen? Would I see myself or the world differently?

Never having dated means that I've never given my heart away; never been kissed means that I have no regrets-- and I consider this to be a great and rare gift. Though I want to share my life and my heart with someone, though I want to make out like crazy, I know that those are areas of my life that have been kept in reserve for a very special reason, one that I don't yet fully understand.

So how do I experience true Bachelorette-hood while still taking great care with this gift? How do I "put myself out there" while honoring God, myself, and the men I come in contact with, as well as my potential future love? Well, my roommate Erin and I came up with a list of simple things I can do, including striking up a conversation with a guy in a coffee shop, going on a blind date, etc.. I can't give them all away at the start, but I have already successfully crossed two of the items off the list, and I'll blog about them here in the next couple of posts.

I'll also probably share these new experiences in light of my personal battles, my years of sworn singleness, and some of my deepest longings. But let there be hope.

Songwriter and producer, Rick Elias, once told me that sometimes the best songs come from your dreams. I dream vividly, which is helpful. Occasionally, I'll dream lyrics or poetry, or even melodies, and I wake up scrambling to find a pen and piece of paper. I'm sure other writers experience the same.

Five months ago, I had a dream that this guy came to my front door and handed me a letter. It had all these words written all over it, beginning with, "I think I'm kind of, maybe, a little bit falling in love with you. But I'm scared." And in it he proceeded to give me all these reasons why we couldn't be together or why he was unable to express his feelings for me. I said in reply, "It's okay. I feel the same way," and invited him in.
I liked the meter, and I liked the concept. So I wrote this song:

As I lay in my bed
Ev'ry night, ev'ry night, ev'ry night
Well I hear what you said
Circlin' round in my head
Well I prayed, and I'll say
That it's right, yeah it's right, yeah it's right, yeah it's right

I think I'm kinda maybe a little bit
Falling in love with you.
I know what you're thinking, babe,
But we could be better as two.
I know that I miss you
And I know you miss me too.
When will you see
You're falling for me?

Well I'm waitin' for you
Ev'ry day, ev'ry day, ev'ry day
And I will see it through
Cause I know that you're feeling it too
I may give you my heart,
Ev'ry part, ev'ry part, ev'ry part, ev'ry part

I think I'm kinda maybe a little bit

Falling in love with you.

I know what you're thinking, babe,

But we could be better as two.

I know that I miss you

And I know you miss me too.

When will you see

You're falling for me?

I'm believin', but leavin'

The time that it takes.

You're scared, but

With my love

You'll be safe.

I think I'm kinda maybe a little bit

Falling in love with you

I know what you're thinking, babe,

But we could be better as two.

I know that I miss you

And I know you miss me too.

When will you see

You're falling for me?

(c)2011, Victoria Bailey