The Beauty of Solitude

I've always made it a point to seek and find times of solitude in my life. Usually it comes pretty easily. Being the only girl between two boys, growing up I had no trouble getting away to my room to play with my dolls, or my kitchen set, or even read a book. My brothers weren't exactly interested in joining me to play such girly games. And, though there were times when I'd join them for a round of baseball in the backyard or a trip to explore the creekbed behind our house, I was perfectly content not to join their adventures if my heart longed for something else, some other company, or just my own path. I have not changed, and I am certainly a grown-up free-spirit.

To this day, I take pleasure to come and go as I please. My happiest days are often my most independent. I hate schedules and obligations, and am usually late to every appointment I make because, well, something else caught my eye or I just want a little more time to do this one thing...

I recently had the most delightful morning I've had in a long time. I played a show in Gray, TN near where I went to college. My friends, Standing Small, were scheduled to play as well but were unable to make it. After many texts and phone calls and provision by a gracious God, I played the show- but more importantly- I enjoyed an unexpected stay in Johnson City that night. The next morning, I woke up early to grab some coffee at my favorite (and much missed) local coffeeshop. I arrived shortly after 9am and waited until meeting with my friend Kaci on her lunch break, just after 11. For two hours, I enjoyed my coffee and the most amazing white chocolate orange scone, and read several chapters from the book of Acts. It was quite peaceful. I often eat by myself, but not alone. People wonder how I can do that and they sometimes think that it's weird. But to me, of my own choosing, I take some time to myself without feeling the anxiety of "needing" to be with people. What made the morning most delightful was the surprise of seeing old friends walk in to the coffeeshop and around town. It was unexpected. It brought back love and memories. It wasn't a situation that I created, but rather discovered. And therein lies the beauty of solitude.

Believe me, I have felt loneliness so strong that I cry myself to sleep and think that no one would miss me if I were gone. I know how it feels to be surrounded by friends and still feel that no one really knows me or accepts me. But I believe in hope and a God of love. I believe that people are created for other people. Once, a friend described my quietness as "nurturing [my] spirit." To nurture your spirit in an act of solitude (or even quietness) you must have a core community, a place where you are accepted and loved. These old friends that stepped back into my life for a few minutes one long weekend in Tennessee reminded me of my place in the world, in a community no matter how distant from home. It is these kinds of relationships- and more- that allow me the confidence and the peace to retreat for awhile, to nurture and grow, and to listen to God. To do so on a regular basis gives me much peace, calm awareness, and unexpected joy. You know you've found solitude when you are, as C.S. Lewis says, "surprised by joy."